A New Realization: Obsessed with Numbers

So as a few of you already know, after I came home from Ireland I quickly began a two-week food-party that lead to my gaining nearly 9 pounds. Woohoo, right? After seeing the number on the scale go back up to 207.8, I was pretty depressed. This past week I managed to lose 6.2 of those pounds back, placing me back down at 201.4. I’m happy with that number for now, but all the fluctuation has gotten me thinking.

I’ve become completely and utterly obsessed with the number I see on the scale. All my successes, no matter how big or small are trumped by whatever number shows up on the digital screen. So what if I can finally fit into a dress I haven’t worn in years? If I’m up .6, I can’t and won’t let myself enjoy that little victory.

A week or so ago, my friend Anna dragged me into Fitness 19. I’ve always known that I needed to establish a workout plan, I’ve just been too lazy to commit to one. So after deciding that I liked the gym (and knowing it fits wonderfully into my budget at $17/month with no yearly contract!) I signed up. And I also hired a personal trainer, Brittany. I met with Brittany for the first time about a week ago now, and she really, really kicked my butt. In a good way, of course. But in talking to her about my goals and what I wanted, I realized something. I don’t give a crap about the number on the scale. What I do care about is what I see in the mirror. I just want to love my reflection. On my goals in her log, it even states now that I’m not aiming for a goal weight, I’m just aiming to get fit, get to a healthy body fat percentage, and love what I see in the mirror.

So with that realization, I have decided to quit going to Weight Watchers meetings. For now, I need to focus on getting into a healthier mindset. I’m going to keep using the Weight Watchers E-Tools to track my food and exercise, but I’m going to do my own weigh-ins on Saturday on the scale I have at home. No more pressure to lose weight. No more pressure to impress someone else who’s looking at that scale. This weight loss journey is about what’s best for me, and taking as long as I need.

So here’s to finally making losing weight about doing things at my own pace, and about finally getting into a good work out routine. I plan to meet with Brittany for strength training twice a week (Mondays and Fridays), and to pick back up with the C25K program on M/W/F. I plan to run in the Thoroughbred Classic 5K on Thanksgiving morning. These are my goals for now. 🙂