A New Realization: Obsessed with Numbers
September 21, 2010 16 Comments
So as a few of you already know, after I came home from Ireland I quickly began a two-week food-party that lead to my gaining nearly 9 pounds. Woohoo, right? After seeing the number on the scale go back up to 207.8, I was pretty depressed. This past week I managed to lose 6.2 of those pounds back, placing me back down at 201.4. I’m happy with that number for now, but all the fluctuation has gotten me thinking.
I’ve become completely and utterly obsessed with the number I see on the scale. All my successes, no matter how big or small are trumped by whatever number shows up on the digital screen. So what if I can finally fit into a dress I haven’t worn in years? If I’m up .6, I can’t and won’t let myself enjoy that little victory.
A week or so ago, my friend Anna dragged me into Fitness 19. I’ve always known that I needed to establish a workout plan, I’ve just been too lazy to commit to one. So after deciding that I liked the gym (and knowing it fits wonderfully into my budget at $17/month with no yearly contract!) I signed up. And I also hired a personal trainer, Brittany. I met with Brittany for the first time about a week ago now, and she really, really kicked my butt. In a good way, of course. But in talking to her about my goals and what I wanted, I realized something. I don’t give a crap about the number on the scale. What I do care about is what I see in the mirror. I just want to love my reflection. On my goals in her log, it even states now that I’m not aiming for a goal weight, I’m just aiming to get fit, get to a healthy body fat percentage, and love what I see in the mirror.
So with that realization, I have decided to quit going to Weight Watchers meetings. For now, I need to focus on getting into a healthier mindset. I’m going to keep using the Weight Watchers E-Tools to track my food and exercise, but I’m going to do my own weigh-ins on Saturday on the scale I have at home. No more pressure to lose weight. No more pressure to impress someone else who’s looking at that scale. This weight loss journey is about what’s best for me, and taking as long as I need.
So here’s to finally making losing weight about doing things at my own pace, and about finally getting into a good work out routine. I plan to meet with Brittany for strength training twice a week (Mondays and Fridays), and to pick back up with the C25K program on M/W/F. I plan to run in the Thoroughbred Classic 5K on Thanksgiving morning. These are my goals for now. 🙂
Tipping the Scale 
Good for you! I’ve stopped going religiously to WW meetings for the same reasons. That, and the fact that my WW leader and I have very, VERY different eating styles. (She told me fat free gravy is the best thing to top any veggie or meal with.. ick!) It’s much more important to do it for you!
Thanks, Beth. I loved my WW leader, but everything became about the number I saw. I’d be too ashamed to go to meeting if I thought I hadn’t been perfect, and not going was more damaging than anything. If I’m only accountable to me (which should be all that matters anyway, since it’s my life and my body) I think I’ll have more success. I have my blog and the WW boards (when I get on… haha) to keep me accountable the way meetings do, so I just don’t see the use in going anymore. 🙂
I go through very much the same thing Emily! Meetings and I have a very “on again/off again” relationship. I just can’t commit to them!
And I feel like if I fluctuate up or I don’t lose quickly enough, the “regulars” will notice and wonder why the hell I’m there anyway (which I know isn’t true…at least I hope!)
I’ve been toying with switching to online only too. To save money and my sanity!
I totally understand. The money I’m going to save from not going to the meetings anymore I’m going to put toward personal trainer sessions. I feel like that’s going to keep my body in check… I’ll keep my mind and soul healthy. And if/when I feel the need to go back to meetings I will. Just right now, I’m not in a position to do that anymore.
I think this is a really healthy mentality. I’ve been struggling with going to meetings ever since I moved a month ago. I hope you continue blogging about your journey because loss or gain, I find you to be really inspiring because we have similar stats. Best of luck to you!
Thanks! I completely understand. It can be tough unless you find a meeting you love. 🙂
I stopped going to meetings years ago b/c I noticed that I became scale crazy. I lost 30 lbs on WW the first time but god forbid I gain .2 and I was wrecked for the week. I tried to rejoin a few years ago and I hated the meeting leaders. They really focused on numbers and for me that is not good. I’m doing WW again, but online only and I am limiting my weigh ins to once every two weeks.
I think your new goals sound really healthy and like a good challenge!
I like your idea of only weighing in once every two weeks. That’s a great idea! I think I might try that, too. 🙂 That way it’s just sort of an added bonus, rather than a necessity.
I love this! I am obsessed with the number too, but not ready to give up that obsession because it holds me accountable right now. However, I was able to comfort myself and my 6lb gain by reminding myself that ALL of my clothes are too big – even with that 6lbs back on! Im here for whatever support you need – you know how to reach me! 🙂
I often like to put on my size 20 dress pants so that I can remember just how big I had gotten and how much smaller I am now. Putting on my size 14 jeans is like, the biggest boost to my self-esteem ever!
Emily! Thank you for posting this doll! I too have noticed and discussed with other WWers the obsession with the scale that can develop while following the program.
I think your stated goals are great!
Also- your blog always inspires me!
xoxo
Thank you so much! That’s so sweet of you.
I definitely think the scale-obsession is an unfortunate side effect of the WW program.
I’ve peeked in at your blog a few times, and I know how you feel about the #. I’m very proud of you for realizing that the # really doesn’t matter and getting healty on YOUR terms! Good luck.
Thank you!! ❤
Good for you. I feel the same way. I couldn’t care less what I weigh if I’m living a healthy lifestyle, eating healthily, and getting exercise. That’s what is really important. You’ve had so many NSVs (and SVs overall) and you deserve to be proud of yourself! We’ll keep each other in check!
Thanks, doll! After my birthday this weekend, I’m really going to try to focus on eating better and getting in more water. I’ve been major fail at those challenges I set up. Haha! I’m going to start them first thing next week. I’ve managed to maintain my weight right at 201-2, so I’m good with that through next week.